Arysta: submitted to ffn
- Very nice work. Very nice. I enjoyed seeing the family side of Spock and Saavik,
and the kids. I really enjoyed. Keep Writing!
Phaser Lady: submitted to ffn
- I think this was a great story. It shows a side of Spock and Saavik that isn't usually seen. It shows a certain intimacy, that they have an acceptance of themselves and their relationship that other Vulcans don't always make apparent. You did some great work here.
Keridwen: submitted to ffn
- Wow, what a way to get to know the family. Much appreciated!
I also loved they way that you inadvertantly, or not, showed the mind and workings of an artist.
- Great Job, Kerry!
The way you used the situation to characterize the
family is what's most impressive; an independent observer
who has a plausible reason for being in their household, and a very real reason
to observe them.
The characterization of the family as a whole is also
interesting. The reader definitely gets the feel of
being in a house with three small children, a sehlat, and a very busy set of parents.
- I loved this Kerry! I was engrossed from the start.
The kids, especially, came alive for me. I could almost
see them and hear them.
I love that Spock and Saavik wanted the other portrait...
That feels right to me. A tangible sign of their intimacy
and closeness...... Yes, they would want that.
I really enjoyed their talk about Saavik's scars and
Spock's chest.... They know each other so well, yet
still, they can surprise each other.
Good job, Kerry!
- What a great character piece. And what a fascinating
plot device. As always, I kneel down below a master author.
I love your family
>"All fetuses start as a single fertilized
egg," T'Pren began. Andra almost dropped her brush.
<snip> "Peaceful" >and they were reminded
to stop moving so much from the pose.
I wonder if identical twins in
real life ever wonder what the "orginial"
child would have been like. In
temperament, T'Kel and T'Pren are almost like Kirk when
he was split in "Enemy Within". And I love
Saavik's response to what it was like when they were one.
It's interesting that Setik seems to have some voluntary
control of the inner eyelids. I never thought of that.
I just assumed that they were reflexive.
> He steepled his fingers, listening as if she
was the only person in the room,
Great discription of Spock.
>She watched Saavik rake over the painting. "Although
that is not his chest. He has hair below the
> collarbone down the length of his
> torso. And I have a scar on my shoulder."
> "As well as one on the small of her back,"
> Saavik's eyebrows rose again. "I do?"
> He nodded. "It is insignificant and located
where you could not easily reach it. Here," he
indicated on the sketch.
> "Interesting that I have never noticed."
A great scene of Spock and Saavik as lovers.
>Andra's insides sank again. She thought they had
stayed quiet because she hadn't given them enough.
> Instead, they thought she gave a list
> for them to choose from.
Damn quiet Vulcans (or damn the need for neverous
humans to fill the silence with babbling).
> He raised an eyebrow. "I am more concerned
for what our children will do to the desert than the
ROTFL. Those poor Le-Matyas never stood a chance!
- Well, I am speechless. Great. Very visual. Very unusual
idea. And an interesting solution.
- I like how you have made them here. They are themselves,
natural, Vulcan, unique, living. This is what some writers do
not know. The difference in writing that makes their's enjoyable
but your's beautiful. They capture details but no souls.
Emotions but no feelings. You balance dignity with self.
Their alienness with their familiarity to us. It is a
family the reader aches to remain with and be a part of.
The intimacy of your setting makes everything, and your
images are perfect, the tension of what must be done and
what is allowed to be done are balanced.
- That was great!
Loved it! And again, you nailed the characters, I
could picture the little gestures of Spock and Saavik,
the individual characteristics of the kids. Loved the
little insights into the kids, their dynamics and interactions.
Setik's protectiveness over his mother -- seeing his
parents like that, especially his mother, kicks that
into high gear. The little comments that capture the
poise, power and calm that is Spock. The way Saavik
closes off at any questions touching on her parents.
Her humor, the interplay between Spock and Saavik regarding
their physical appearance, like the scar on her lower
Liked how you use the artist's POV, her thoughts and
impressions of this family. Surprise, here's a holo
of this couple. Perceptive of her, to see the fire in
Saavik's eyes, giving her another insight into this
couple. And she's expecting the worse, and they give
her permission to paint it, with them posing so she
doesn't have to guess about their bodies. You capture
the artist's realization that this family is alien.
- Ah, yes! Now I'm getting a much better 'picture' (pardon the pun) of the family, which I find I like even more (if possible)! It's so nice to see characters with both strengths and weaknesses exposed (another pun, I believe). Excellent!
- Oh I like this fic. It shows the style and emotions of the artist perfectly. I enjoy the way you wrote this, and just want to say, Keep it up!